- The Diary of a Fucked Up Dreamer .

I worked in a human torture plant for manual labour. I started my days horrified of witnessing the deliberate degradation of humanity, but as my time working there progressed, I had become conditioned to it. I showed up every morning, stocked the shelves, swapped color tags on cages, did as I was supposed to and left without it fazing me. We were always taught that the “subjects” were like objects and to treat them as such or our jobs would be terminated.  I wasn’t the victim, not yet.

The facility worked in three ways: mental torture, physical torture, and behavioral testing. They used the torture to knock these people down to a level where they are barely people at all. Each patient was given a number and alongside of that was assigned a schedule. They had “appointments” where they were either subjected to extreme physical labour, or were expected to sit across the table from an “elite” and tolerate the verbal abuse that would come their way.

 Between these appointments they were forced to remain still and silent in their cages that were marked with a color of their “progress”. Green: the beginners. Some people would consider these as the patients that remained at the highest intellectual level; those who had not yet been fully subjected to the stripping of their identity and what they know of their connection to humanity. I see the greens as the least intellectual overall. They know nothing until they see and survive what will have come. Next came blue: the middle man, the tortured. If the physical strain had not overcome them by this point, the mental distress had. These were the sufferers, and they considered themselves exactly that. It was at this point that the subjects would often choose their own end. And lastly, the Reds. Not many people make it that far. The reds are the survivors, and in my opinion, the most intelligent of all. If you last 3 days as a red, you are set free and to never speak of your experiences again; if you have the mental capacity to remember them, that is. As people left the facility, either alive as a red or having succumbed to death as any color, another patient was brought in.

                Six hundred and seventy two. I never had the inclination to associate myself with the patients aside from any way my job entailed until I was told to change a cage from a green tag to blue. Changing tags had become an everyday occurrence. I had become desensitized to seeing the patients because they were empty by the time they reached their first “progression”; but not cage 672. By this point in my day, I was so frustrated and rushed because so much work had to be done to prepare for the arrival of sixteen new patients.

                I had become ignorant to the thought of new arrivals because I was aware of the miniscule number of patients that actually make it to the red level, let alone survive it. But I knew the thought of sixteen people having died in one day because I chose not to speak up would eat me alive so I learnt to suppress it. All I was concerned for was to get my work done for the day and head home.

When I went to change the tag, it was jammed between bars so I had to kneel down to get the green one off. It was then that I made the mistake of looking into the cage. There was this creature, naked, brittle, and bruised with “672” tattooed down his right forearm sitting there staring right back at me. He was different than the others in a way almost unexplainable. Those eyes. He wasn’t empty. His eyes had this entrancing depth to them that, for that split second, made it impossible to be indifferent to the strain. The green tag came off and the blue tag went on, and for the first time I had realized that from switching a simple color, I had potentially just led them to their death. I was soon pushed aside to watch 672 get dragged off to his “6:00 appointment”.

When we were first trained to work in the facility, we are taught how to read schedules, how to change tags, how to properly stock the shelves. We knew these “subjects” were tortured, but we were never permitted to see how they did it. I followed 672 and them to the chamber where I pretended to search the computer system while I watched the reflection in the screen. I heard him cry out while they piled burning stones on his bare back until he collapsed. The piercing sound of his screams rang out in my head for days. I had to see him again.

When speaking was permitted, I began coming to see 672 as an anonymous visitor so that my job wouldn’t be compromised. I needed to help him, but I couldn’t afford to be unemployed. I found myself hacking into the computer system to get myself a copy of his schedule to protect both him and myself. I was his only link back to humanity, and I planned to maintain it. So I gave him a name; Jacob.

As the visits became more frequent, his eyes found more depth. He was bright and his laugh was infectious. I knew that it was up to me to get him out alive. Days progressed and I watched his body deteriorate as his faith got stronger. His ability to speak had diminished from damage to his brain and his body hurt so badly that tears would begin to fall if I touched his hands. He knew who I was and though he was speechless, never lost the ability to understand. To me, patient 672, blue status had become Jacob, a victim who had finally progressed to red.

The red was the most difficult level of all. At this stage the behavioral testing was put into place to gauge what was mentally left of them. Each day they were given a bag of items, and released into a harsh environment and expected to find out how to use these things to survive. Some of these items held so much danger that it freely gave the option of suicide to each patient.

The first step to red is to be released into the forest and to survive until nightfall, so that morning I was assigned to bring the bag of items to Jacob. This was the first time since I changed his tag that I was ordered by an “elite” to see him. I knew the items within the bag and I knew how they must be used in order to survive. So before I gave him the bag, I took out the items that posed a threat and were unneeded within the context of the task. This was the first day I had helped him aside from being his friend. I handed him the bag and prayed to God that he would live until I saw them bring him in at 5pm that night. As I hid behind the opposed row of cages, I saw them throw him into his. One of the guards leaned over to me shaking his head. Since he started working here, not a single red had ever returned from their first day out. 

The second day of red status is based strictly upon nutrition. I placed four bottles and a watch on the counter and explained to him what was about to happen. “You have to take these and keep them with you. The one with the red cap is poison. Do not drink it but keep it with you. They will bring you to the desert where they will leave you for 35 hours.” I showed him on the watch what that meant and I continued to explain. “At 3 o’clock you must drink the smallest bottle. When the sky turns black, drink the biggest one. Stay in the same place until they come back for you, or you will run out of energy. When you see them coming back to take you, quickly drink the last bottle and hold the poison in your hand.” I knew that if they were to come back and the patient was not holding the poison unopened, they wouldn’t take him back. If he made it back and survived the following night without being fed or caving to the temptation of drinking the last bottle, they would let him go.

As I handed him off the items, I smiled at him and heard them come up behind me to take him. I knew that I may never have a job there again but more importantly, I may have never seen Jacob again. They stood there with their blank stares expecting me to present his case. My voice shook, “Patient 672: behavioral testing, red status. Day two: 35 hour nutrition challenge.” They reached in and grabbed him by the forearm as he cried out in pain. I knew he was capable of the day in the forest, but after that he had become so weak, I wasn’t sure if he’d make it.

He was expected to return at 6:00pm the following day. By the time I got to work, everyone was talking about him: “Patient 672 is remarkable.”, “672 comes across as suspicious to me.” I felt like I was back in high school as the gossip rang down the hallways. “Did you hear about that one subject who’s made it to red? Someone’s gotta be behind that.”

I was a labourer. I had no friends within the facility and no family waiting back home, so I did my work silently and left when I was finished. We were always taught that the “subjects” were like objects, and I treated them as such until I met patient 672. I wasn’t the victim, not yet.

It was 5:45pm when I nervously began stocking shelves to look busy. The last thing I needed was for people to see me nervously biting my nails watching the time in hopes of Jacob surviving. So I did as I knew best and found a way to channel my anxiety. I folded towels, one at a time, and stacked them, one on top of another. I felt as if someone was breathing down the back of my neck, but every time I turned, I was alone. So counting he minutes, I folded towels, one at a time, and stacked them, one on top of another.

Well, I was alone until I wasn’t.  They came up behind me and stood on either side of me. “Patient 856: mental strain, green status. Day one: foreshadowing at 6:00pm.” Grabbing my arms, they dragged me backwards and I was unable to resist. My mind began to race a million miles a second going over the past 2 months I had spent helping Jacob. I'm not a patient, I work here. Had they figured it out?  They stripped off my clothes, and shaved my head as I cried. Jacob, did Jacob make it back? Would they release him if he did? They tattooed “856” down my right forearm, just as I had to hundreds of other patients. Dragging me into the chamber, I was strapped me down to cold, metal chair that stung as my bare skin pressed up against it. When I looked up, there was this creature, naked, brittle, and bruised with “672” tattooed down his right forearm. He was pinned to the ground staring right back at me. Those eyes. He was alive, but not for long.

I sat there and watched them beat him until he stopped struggling. I spent 2 days strapped to that chair forced to look at his body, so frail, as it lay cold and motionless on the floor. They came back to get me and kicked the soulless body out of the way. “Did you hear about that one subject who’s made it to red? Yeah, they found out some naïve shelve stocker thought she’d get away with helping him. Turns out neither of them will get out alive.”

I had become ignorant to the thought of new arrivals because I was unaware of the chance I could become one, let alone survive it. But I knew the thought of sixteen people having died in one day because I chose not to speak up would eat me alive so I learnt to suppress it. All I had to do was speak out once, before I became the victim who was unable to speak at all.


Accompanying song: "Turn and Turn Again" by All Thieves 

- Theatre 30 final

1.       Konstantin Stanislavski

a.       Method acting: Stanislavski taught his actors to “be” rather than to “act”. For example, if character is experiencing a loss, the actor was to pull from himself the emotions that he himself would have felt in the past, for example the death of a family member, and channel it through his character to evoke the same emotion.

b.      The circle: when actors were nervous on stage, he taught them to focus on a small circle, usually consisting of one prop and one other character. Once the actor became comfortable with the small section on the stage, he could expand to other characters and props, always being able to resort back to the initial two items within the small circle if the nerves were to return.

c.       The magic “if”: Rather than simply having his actors learn their lines and memorize the expected emotions and reactions expected to go with them, Stanislavski used the magic “if” to expand the actors understanding of their characters. He would take the characters out of their scenes and allow the actors to react as their characters in different situations through using “if”. For example, how would your character respond if it was pushed while walking down the street? It allowed them to find the differences between their characters and themselves.

2.       A pre-sketch is what happens immediately before a scene begins or a character enters the stage. Its creating the moment right before the audience sees the character, often explaining where they are coming from and why they’ve come this way. This helps the actors understanding of their characters reasoning for being in the scene.

3.       The role of a director is to portray their vision onto the stage through the different aspects of theatre. They act as a “coach” to the actors, leading them in the direction they want. They tie together all aspects of the stage under one vision, ultimately having final say over all decisions, having the success or failure of the final production falling over them.

4.       The director’s concept refers to objectives. Symbolized by the umbrella, the main overall objective is the one word, the director’s concept, for the full play. Every decision made must fall under that concept. If it doesn’t, no matter how great the idea, the director must not violate the concept. Each scene must have an objective that appropriately falls under the main objective and each aspect within that must fall under it.

5.       Red thread, superobjective, scene objective

a.       Red Thread: the red thread is the constant character that exists throughout the scenes that ties it all together.

b.      The superobjective: relative to the directors’ concept, is the clear and concise concept developed for the play. Everything relative to the production must be directly related to this concept.

c.       Scene Objective: Relative to the super objective, the scene objective is the overall idea that is wished to be achieved throughout the scene. Every event throughout the course of that scene must be directly related to the objective. This objective must fall within the general concept for the entire play, the superobjective.

6.       A creator would use a stimulus as the starting point to get ideas flowing. A stimulus could be anything like an object, a sound, a feeling, a photo, that allows the creator to begin a chain of ideas ultimately leading to the creation of something bigger. The stimulus doesn’t have to be related to the final product in the slightest.

7.        First kiss, ghost sighting

a.       A first kiss: down right, best stage placement to show intimate and tender moments. From this position, you are most relatable to the audience.

b.      Ghost sighting: up left, best stage placement to show unfamiliarity and alien situations. From this position, the audience will be most uncomfortable and frightened.

- French Play

On the 14th, Richard, Liam, and I discussed possibilities for the French Play as the independent project. As it stands, Daniela, Richard, and Liam will be writing and directing and I will be drama turging for it. A large portion of the ideas discussed were related to the idea of you meeting your "self" throughout 3 parts of your life: at birth, at a significant part of your life, and at death. We discussed using “god in me” vs. “me in god”, and what significance that may hold, and if that had any connectyion to our conscience. Regardless of whether or not religion would be used, we leaned towards the idea of he "self" that would be met could be to some degree,  all knowing, such as the kids in the movie "Baby Genus'" are before they cross over. McCarthy recommended possibly looking into 18th century parlor theatre as a style to do the play in.

- Insect , opening night .

Overall:
Not our best, but not a total train wreck. I personally wasn't satisfied with it, but i'm glad that it was a small house and opening night so that we could get our jitters out of the way. We had great energy starting during prologue and the start of one. But it began to fade by two. We were apparently yelling, making it unclear what we were saying. I don't know why there was so much yelling because we did a full vocal warm up focusing on projecting rather than yelling. I think the singing went alright, but for the most part, act 1 and prologue were strongest. Aside from cue errors, epilogue wasn't bad at all. Daniela was hilarious during 3 as the philanthropist and i think she had a great night. Once Daria and Haley slowed down during 3 as well it went well. Act two went decently, though it has been much better in the past. Iris and Felix had a much stronger night than most rehearsals which is a good thing. I think Iris finding herself really helped the first act. The set changes were a little bit rough, a bunch of props were not cleared which acted as a distraction during epilogue.

Personally:
The dance went well technically, but my personal energy i think was lacking. It was difficult to be on stage portrayed as such a sexual character for me to make eye contact with anyone in the audience, so i found myself skipping around my focal points ultimately finding comfort in looking at the floor. This took away from my energy, though it was apparently not noticeable. As Chrys, my personal performance was acceptable, though it wasn't my best for sure. I found my part to be chunky, often delayed. The fact that the box for us to sit on wasn't placed and i was unable to get us clipped before lights went up made for an extremely interesting challenge, especially figuring it hadn't happened in rehearsals yet. My relationship with Sahara was strong, which helped greatly in the portrayal of my character. I feel that if we had never formed that bond and trust between us over the second month of rehearsals, we probably wouldn't have recovered from it. It was almost fun finding a way to make up for the misplaced props for both of us without getting noticed. I think that since i missed my cue to start singing at the top of act 2, it made it difficult to find my rhythm. For the first time going start to finish in the morphsuit i think it went very well. I had the nerves but the costume change went well, the "being" vs. "acting" was strong in two as well for both Sahara and I. Our performance reflected the overall very clearly strictly from starting strong and fading from there, but epilogue went well for the most part with the exception of the sloppy set change and standing off centre by accident.

Next Time:
For tonight, i need to establish in advance eye contact for the dance, something to look at during each point. During some points during the dance its extremely fitting to make eye contact with the tramp, so I'll try that for sure. I also need to have a black cape/sweater/covering of some sort to get past the scrim during prologue and act one, so that i won't be seen again. Missing the cue yesterday as a thorough reality check to make sure i don't forget it again, so hopefully i wont be as flustered come the cue to sing. Knowing the house will be full, if not, close to it, will definitely help with our energy, so ill be looking forward to that. We need to make sure that we have centre stage marked with glow-tape to help with the positioning up centre during epilogue.

- Ideal Stage Placements .

Meaning:

Stage Right is familiar

Stage Left is alien

Upstage is distant, downstage is intimate

Downstage right best for intimacy

Down centre best for confrontation

Downstage left best for unfamiliar alien

Upstage left is distant unfamiliar

Upstage right is distant and familiar. From this position it is the easiest to remain unnoticed.

Movement:

Moving from stage right to stage left is easiest and most natural. 

Moving from left to right is most easily noticed. 

- Agusto Boal .

·         Theatre of the Oppressed

o   Forum theatre: an interactive theatre that allows for the audience to participate in the event itself

o   Spectactors are the audience that end up participating in the theatre of the oppressed through spectating and involvement

o   Not just a source of entertainment

§ Aims to evoke social change if used effectively

o   Invisible theatre (What would you do)

§  NY all actors and they set up a scene where they were oppressing a woman for her race. The surrounding people reacting to the scenario became the spectactors.

·         Once scene was over, they would ask people why they reacted that way

- Konstantin Stanislavski .

Konstantin Stanislavski (Vladimir Nemirovich Danchenko)

·         Upper class

·         Developed the MAT (Moscow art theatre) which turned well known for realistic interpretations of plays that were famous by Russian playwrights

·         Protected by Lenin

·         In fear of government, deleted many of his own works

·         Stage Directions were turned from simple into ways of evoking certain emotions, showing subtle details

·         “As if for the first time”, everything is new truthful sincere and joyous

·         Meyerhold

a.       Method acting: Stanislavski taught his actors to “be” rather than to “act”. For example, if character is experiencing a loss, the actor was to pull from himself the emotions that he himself would have felt in the past, for example the death of a family member, and channel it through his character to evoke the same emotion.

b.      The circle: when actors were nervous on stage, he taught them to focus on a small circle, usually consisting of one prop and one other character. Once the actor became comfortable with the small section on the stage, he could expand to other characters and props, always being able to resort back to the initial two items within the small circle if the nerves were to return.

c.       The magic “if”: Rather than simply having his actors learn their lines and memorize the expected emotions and reactions expected to go with them, Stanislavski used the magic “if” to expand the actors understanding of their characters. He would take the characters out of their scenes and allow the actors to react as their characters in different situations through using “if”. For example, how would your character respond if it was pushed while walking down the street? It allowed them to find the differences between their characters and themselves.

- Odds and Ends

Intrinsic: belonging to a thing by it's very nature
Extrinsic: not essential or inherent, not a basic part or quality, extraneous

"It's good because it's hard, and it's hard because its good."

- Quotes , and more Quotes .

" Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. "

- Steve Jobs

" If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair. "

- C.S. Lewis

" Meditation is the dissolution of thoughts in Eternal awareness or Pure consciousness without objectification, knowing without thinking, merging finitude in infinity."

- Voltaire 

- Remembrance Day Blocking .

• Maverick in center and girl on left, boy on right/ playing video games
• Roll call begins as they play/ Maverick is called last, boy called second last, girlfriend says goodbye and best friend brings maverick to front of formation
• March into opposing triangles, line of 4, 3, 2, and as mavericks name is called, the opposing team marches in already in formation, and meets the two triangles with maverick in the middle. 
• Turn flashlights all off/ screen goes black,
• Have war noises playing,
• Stop for a moment,
• Every other light turn back on, fog present (Best friend alive, maverick dead) / game over flashes across the screen.  
• Roll call man comes to mavericks body, drapes a flag over him.
• Best friend takes the flag back to girlfriend on the couch; girlfriend holds it and turns off the lamp beside the couch
• Blackout

- Objective Day .

Don’t speak unless spoken to, Don’t have an opinion, Don’t research anything

October 31^st, 2011

Morning (Drive in):

It turned into more of a “reflective period” for Emma to virtually talk to herself unless I was addressed. It was different than a normal drive in because it turned into more of a monologue than a dialogue with the absence of singing or extreme laughing. I didn’t find myself eager to talk though; it was just different than I’m used to.

Bio (P1)

Bio was not difficult in the slightest. I rather wrote down my answers instead of answering his questions aloud. Socializing isn’t a huge part of bio, so I wasn’t longing to talk at all. The biggest challenge was knowing the answer and not being able to say it when no one else in the class knew it, so it resulted in a “you guys should know this” lecture from Mr. Hertz. Even though that got frustrating after the 2^nd or 3^rd time, it was better to know than not know it. I found myself often laughing to myself, which made me seem insane I’m guessing.

Theatre (P2)

It got frustrating because no one was staying on task or keeping anyone on task, so I found myself making plans on my own and showing them to people. Only 4 of the 6 people contributed to it, and it was extremely frustrating to have to sit there while no work was getting done, so in return, I formatted all the blocking necessary.

Lunch (Improv)

For improve at lunch, my objective was put on hold while the improv team itself was working. As soon as it ended, I went back to the silent, unresearched life.

Social (P3)

Social was possibly the hardest of all the classes, strictly from the opinion aspect. Many questions that Gillespie had asked I was the only one that knew the answer and it was frustrating to sit there and need to listen to him lecture us on how uneducated our generation can be.  In social I found myself able to be increasingly observant to more than just the general discussion, but rather people’s body language concerning certain ideas. Taking more of an outside view on the discussions today allowed for viewing from a different perspective.  There were many things that throughout the course of the class I had wanted to look up or research, though it didn’t bother me as much once I realized I had to hold back.

Chemistry (P4)

Chemistry, much like most of the other classes wasn’t a big hindrance. Mrs. Walsh was awfully confused when she would expect me to talk and id sit there silent, or id raise my hand instead of just flat out asking, it was almost funny to watch her respond to the change in my habits. The social aspect of it was a bit more difficult just because the classroom setup is to be sitting at a table with 4 of my friends. By that point, Hayley had made it clear that you had to address me in order to have me speak, so most of them understood quite quickly. Not surprisingly, it was easier to focus knowing that I was unable to talk.

Overall:

One of the main reasons I think I talk so much is to avoid thinking to myself.  I seemed to be a lot more aware of my pain when I was being more observant rather than participatory. A big aspect of the idea of the objective for a day is to increase self-awareness, in which i found the objective to be quite appropriate. Rather than coasting through the day as a matter of habit, i found myself being attentive of my surroundings and current situation and adjusting accordingly. This was effective in relation to the directors concept, because it set a clear picture of how a character must compose them self according to their current objective, even if it makes sense to defy it for some reason or another. Applying the directors concept to our everyday lives was beneficial overall.

- Henry David Thoreau .

" If you build castles in the air, your work need not be lost. That is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."

Aim high and dream big but build up enough of your life in that direction so that one day you can stand upon that work and it will hold you up. You need enough to hold up your dreams so that when you finally get there, you're able to stand upon them without having the castle come crashing down to earth. Find a way for the earth to meet your dreams, that way your dreams are more of a reality than if they're forever up in the air. But you must dream otherwise you have nothing to build up to.

After studying at Harvard and growing exceedingly close to his brother John, Henry David Thoreau was further traumatized from witnessing the death of his brother . This damage further pushed Thoreau to continue to read and write and grow, inspiring him to move to Walden pond. Writing his first book there, he also spent much time exploring nature and ways of life. After two years Thoreau returned home where he then spent 9 years rewriting his book to perfection concerning his experiment of living at Walden, finding great joy in things that most wouldn't be able to see. People often identified him as the "hermit in the wilderness." He had always been able to question and wonder in ways that most couldn't. Never attempting to push his way of life upon others, Thoreau was on a quest to find harmony within himself and relate that to his social, political, and cultural surroundings. Emerson once defined his as "the bachelor of thought and Nature".

- Consequence of Sound .

" My rhyme ain't good just yet,
My brain and tongue just met,
And they ain't friends, so far,
My words don't travel far,
They tangle in my hair,
And tend to go nowhere,
They grow right back inside,
Right past my brain and eyes
Into my stomach juice
Where they don't serve much use,
No healthy calories,
Nutrition values.
And I absorb back in
The words right through my skin
They sit there festering inside my bowels."

Consequence of Sound by Regina Spektor . 

- In Response To Directing .

 My directing project was more difficult that i had imagined at times, though i think that pending the last minute switch, it was a success. Trying it first hand allows you to realize how important communication is, and in response it turned out to be much more successful than i would've thought. During class time, the communication with my actors turned out to be successful, aiming for more of a democracy than a straight up dictatorship. My actors seemed to respond well to it and it helped avoid any conflicts concerning decisions making. The biggest problem with communication from my actors was Chrissy not showing up to our final preparation class. We were on track, but had no flex time to end up on track by the end of the class especially if Chrissy wasn't there with her lines memorized and she was the focus of the skit. My first reaction was to dismiss her, and find a way for our group to have a project by the end of that class that would be as close to presentation-ready. At that point i realized how beneficial it was to have made a mind map of the initial ideas we had made from our first class of the project and because of this we were able to pick out our next two strongest ideas that would work with a maximum of 3 actors, instead of 4. This saved us a lot of time. By the end of that class, we were able to have the full layout of our skit and our lines memorized. It was at this point that i had made the decision that IF Chrissy were to show up the next day and had a valid excuse for missing class that i would let her step in as the waitress, which is a rather small part, but it was still beneficial because Chrissy still got a chance to participate as well as i got the chance to spend the last 45 minutes prior to presenting where i could watch the group and make the adjustments that being in the skit itself made it difficult to see. By the time we were ready to present, i felt as if we could pull it off, though one more day would've allowed us to clear up the confusion at the end. I think we did a good job at developing the two distinct atmospheres, though the conflict, because of being so chaotic in nature, was a little undeveloped. Chrissy not showing up was a challenge to our group but i feel as if we had a better outcome because of the pressure last minute. If i were to do it again, i think i would do relatively the same thing, possibly thinking through the clarity from an outside perspective, regardless of time limitations.

- Gytis Padigemas .

" Think possibility . "

If you're never thinking possibility your brain will simply cling to the probable rather than the possible. In this, you will be withheld from more than imaginable and you'll be stuck in a box. If you think possibility, you're rather thinking uninhibitedly, rather than confined. Possibility doesn't mean it has to currently exist, and that's where the imagination comes in. To think possibility is to step out of that box and open up your mind to all that could be, rather than what simply already is. 

- Lau Tzu .

" For all things difficult to acquire, the intelligent man works with perseverance. "

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

- The Great Mediocrity .

This week has been driving me mental thinking about the "great mediocrity" and such. Such as what power does one in the top portion of the pyramid have over those beneath them? The thinkers, the great minds, even the doers exist at the top. So if they are the ones who take the control, start the projects, make a name for themselves, then what are the entitled to regarding the other groups?
On Friday Hayley, Emma, and I participated in the river cleanup led by the janitor (who in fact, McCarthy constantly talks about how he exists on top). While we were going through and getting the garbage from the riverbanks and surrounding areas, we came across many homeless people who happened to be sleeping or just existing where they are used to existing. As we went down the riverbank, we came across this full camp setup, consisting of sleeping bags, sweaters, boxes, and fencing, that was unoccupied at the time that we passed it. The first thing that came to my mind was that someone called that home. All three of us left it, and continued on, leaving it alone, though the janitor proceeded to tear it all down, and throw it into garbage bags to be thrown out. From that perspective, i cant understand his thinking. It's mid-october, the overnight frost is beginning to set in, this is everything that this man has accumulated and obtained in the past bit, and since he decided to go out and do who knows what for however long he was gone, he now only has the clothes that were on his back when he left. What if that man decided to leave that day in search of a job, in search of support, to start his journey to the top of that pyramid? What entitled the janitor to tear down the life that this man may have possibly started to build up in hopes of a better tomorrow? I cant stop thinking of what that man must've thought when he returned to find all of his possession gone. So tomorrow, Hayley and I are going to talk to the janitor to find out his perspective on why it was so important that all of his stuff had to be thrown out. It was supposed to be helping out the community, but for some reason,  felt for that one man, i had hurt the community more than helped it.

- Life Objectives .

I think I’m the prime example of the great mediocrity, and it’s not something I’ve grown to be proud of. I live my life doing everything at an acceptable level, being decent at most things, and great at none. I live my life with an odd mindset that takes some risks, and fears the others. I think my anxiety gets in the way of my superobjective, whatever that may be, and helps keep me stuck within the great mediocrity. I fear the wrong things, and take the wrong risks, leaving me relatively in the same place I would’ve found myself in two years ago. I think part of the reason that I have such difficulty with choosing a superobjective is the idea of our entire life falling underneath it. My life, from the way I see it, has been split in half. Before I was injured, I was fearless. I approached everything head on and if I were still that same person, I’d say my superobjective would simply turn out as “to be”. I wanted to be great at everything I did. I was convinced I had the world at my fingertips and that I could be anything and everything I would’ve ever wanted. I was athletic; I wanted to be on top. I was academic; I wanted to be as smart as my mind allowed me to be. I was optimistic; I wanted to be happy. And at that point, I had the drive to get me there.  Once I fell, fear came in and took away that overall longing to be great. Everything I wanted to be, and every answer I searched for seemed to rub in my face how much I am NOT capable of, and how much I have to restrain myself from the things I love. So since I fell, I’ve lost touch with the person who metaphorically carried the umbrella labelled “to be”, and I feel as if the newer me has lost that umbrella all together. Is it possible to obtain more than one superobjective in your life? They say that once the superobjective has been achieved or completed, then that is where it all ends. It is possible to say that my life ended when I fell, and I started a new one? Or is that a portrayal of having violated my superobjective for over 3 years and as a result it’s led me to living a life of mediocrity. I could say my superobjective is now “to survive” but that would simply be saying that I’ve chosen to lead my life at the mediocre level just from getting by on a day to day basis. Some days I’m more than that though. Some days I wake up and I can still feel the world at my fingertips, but that doesn’t last long. I could say that I’ve turned my direction in life to “search”, but I feel that it’s unjustifiable in relation to most days. Could it be “to find”? I’m always looking for answers, for stories, and especially for cures; to find approval, to find life in the smallest things, and to find hope in other people. The idea of being virtually two separate people still scares the shit out of me, and within that, I don’t know if I’ll ever find the person who initially wanted “to be” everything, but is it possible to have more than one life objective? Is it possible to carry two separate umbrellas in your life? The similarities between me now and Morgan Louise 4 years ago are ultimately non-existent. Is it possible to come back from that, and still be great? 

- The Storyteller .

 "August Gale: A Father and Daughter's Journey Into the Storm" by Barbara Walsh is a newly released novel based upon the story of my family on my mothers side. Captain Pat Walsh is my great grandfather and the story  is based upon his death along with the rest of my family, with the exception of my grandfather, who was 4 at the time. In the book, there is a section where they speak of Mitchell, whom i met when i was 7 years old when i returned to Newfoundland. They describe him as a storyteller, though they word it beautifully, discussing his passion for spinning stories, collecting details like little bits of string, and saving them until he settled in at a neighbors kitchen table where he would entertain in exchange for food and drink. 
The idea of "collecting bits of string and saving them" is a beautiful way of realizing the mindset of a director. Being so aware of their surroundings, picking up bits and pieces from everything they do day to day, and saving them to use them when the time is perfect. I've only read bits and pieces of the book thus far, but the collecting string stood out to me. 

- Directing Project .

identify two contradicting atmosphere , and identify how one atmosphere contradicts the other.
JP, Chrissy, and Alexa

Possible ideas:
Chistmas, vs. death ?
wedding vs. left at alter
first date vs. finding out you're adopted
day with auntie vs. divorce

• Aunt picks up niece from school for an early birthday thing, ect.
• Aunt gives niece birthday gift of 2 tickets to Disneyland
• Aunt bring niece back home to drop her off
• As dropped off, mother is struggling to keep husband from leaving
• Husband rips suitcase from wife's hands, approaches daughter
• "I love you, I'll see you soon, I promise" ect
• Husband leave, daughter runs to mother, distraught. 

- Rene Descartes .

"I think, therefore I am."

- The Directors Concept .

Each play has a superobjective, which is the clear and concise concept developed for the overall play. Within this, each character must have their own superobjective under which individual scene objectives would fall. It's like the umbrella concept, and each sub-level exists within the previous. Within each scene objective, each character has specific beats or tactics they use to achieve each scene objective, character objective, as well as the whole plays superobjective.

- The Lovely Bones

"As I would stand in the rain, my mother would stand at the open porch door. We both listened together to the rain pour and the thunder clap and smelled the earth rising to greet us. "You look invincible." My mother said one night. I loved these times when we seemed to feel the same thing I turned to her, wrapped in my thin gown, and said, "I am.""

The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold is an extraordinary book. This excerpt is such a perfect example of text that relates to your senses through complete imagery. The way that the author spoke showing such vulnerability allows for a reader to interpret the section with such a raw nature and beauty. The relationship between a mother and a daughter is something that has always been seen as significant, whether that means tense, intimate, or even distant. I love that in this sense, they're speaking of invincibility. Sebold used the relationship over the course of the novel to portray progression, and in this excerpt, with such tenderness it is shows that said relationship was honestly something worth fighting for. Those moments when you know that you feel the same thing as another human being is such a specific occurrence, and there really isn't much that it can replace. From a directors perspective, to be able to recreate that moment on stage would be such a rare and tender moment that each individual in the audience would be able to relate to in one personal experience or another. I think the lack of eye contact, and rather the mother as the superior standing behind the daughter sends a whole new, stronger power for the moment. The daughter is full on into the rain, letting go of everything she knows for that one moment, and the mother, standing in the doorway would be a part of the storm, but yet still have her foot in the doorway, that last connection back to reality.
This except plays such a strength with the senses. Within 5 sentences, Sebold was able to capture sound, feel, smell, and sight into one without seeming like a list. I find such beauty in the way that "earth rising to greet us" is worded, therefore making it one of my favorite word-bits of all time (aside from "Let it bend before it breaks".) Within 5 sentences, the author makes such a clear picture of what is happening. To me, the feelings associated with this would be the perfect installation.

- Occupy Wall Street .

Imagine a perspective from the bystander, the one that ins't placing the blame. 

- Joseph Campbell .

" Follow Your Bliss . "

Campbell was a mythologist, writer, and lecturer.

"If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time"


"I don't know whether my consciousness is proper consciousness or not; I don't know whether what I know of my being is my proper being or not; but I do know where my rapture is. So let me hang on to rapture, and that will bring me both my consciousness and my being."

- Thomas Carlyle

"The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none."

Believing in a leader/hero than people must recognize and worship, Thomas Carlyle was opposed to analytic reasoning. He supported a more emotional and intuitive approach. Scottish born, he led the life of a historian and an essayist. In his youth, he possessed the ultimate goal of being in the ministry. After 3 years, he abandoned that goal after having discovered a theological position that was contradictory to his teachings.  Thomas Carlyle experienced constant gastric pain that he had continued to live with all his life. This suffering most likely contributed to the perspectives he had carried out through his philosophies.  He had developed a concept called the "Everlasting No". It was a direct opposition to the Everlasting Yea, which was a complete faith in God. The Everlasting No expresses a "determination to mock and malign every aspect of the noblest sentiments of humanity" He had developed his own spiritual belief system based upon energy that is manifested within an individual. This was often described as "vitalism" "Adversity is sometimes hard upon a man; but for one man who can stand prosperity, there are a hundred that will stand adversity."

- Aristotle .

" It is the mark of the educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Humans ultimately have the ability to see things, become aware of things, and to not believe or necessarily accept it. An uneducated mind, for example an animal, sees the sun as a light in the sky, and in their mind, it's exactly that, and its all it will ever be. Whereas a human would see this light, and question its validity, its composition, its purpose. The educated mind possesses the ability to reason and to doubt. The educated mind is trained to entertain thoughts as they are and allow for contemplation to further the understanding of the topic.

- Publius Terentius Afer .

"I am a human, and nothing human is alien to me."

"While there's life, there's hope."

Publius Terentius Afer (190-158BC), who is modernly known in America as Terence, was an African who came to Rome to write comedies in the form of 'Fabula Palliata'. Initially coming to Rome as a slave for a Roman senetor, he was properly educated and then freed and given a variation of his patrons name, Terence, and Afer was originated from his place of birth. At the time of his life, Terence almost lived in the shadow of Plautus, being less popular because of his work being more refined and less farcical than that of Plautus. He was often accused of validity of his work being his own and people saw him as a contaminator of Greek materials, meaning he amalgamated all or parts of Greek writing into one larger Roman whole. It has been said that English writers such as Shakespeare and Chaucer show evidence of having been influenced by Terence, as well as Moliere, Wilde, Congreve, and others. The extant works of Terence include six plays: Andria, Hecyra, Heautontimoroumenos, Eunuchus, Phormio, and Adelphi (most well-known). He is known for consistency of plot and characterization. He left Rome in 158BC to Greece to study the comedies of Menander from which he never returned. It is said to be that he downed at sea, but it is also a possibility that he died while in Greece.
Menander is accepted as the best writer of the comedy of manners among the Greeks. He was considered an imitator of Euripides. The only surviving full example of "New Comedy" to exist in modern times is Dyskolos, a play Menander had written.
Fabula Palliata refers to a type of ancient Roman comedy that is greatly centered around the greeks. Dressed up in Greek garments, with social conversations portrayed in Greek, with storylines heavily influenced by "New Comedy", done by the Greeks. Terences involvement in the revival of Fabula Palliata triggered a supportive response, the fabula palliata gave way to fabula togata, where actors are dressed in roman garments.

- Mind Altering ?

Freaky Friday, for example, is a movie/novel centered around a mother and daughter switching bodies into the lives of one another. They face their conflicts in life, their relationships, and allow themselves for a better understanding of one another. In that sense, they keep their own mind, and switch their bodies.
Now what if that was swapped. What if humans possessed the ability to remain in our own bodies, and swap minds with one another; the way they think, make connections, show emotion, even analyse situations. "If you could only imagine what goes on in my head." But to realize the depth of that statement has tied up my mind for days. In order to fully comprehend what is within the mind of someone else, it would virtually eliminate the perspectives of your current mind. Within our own minds, we hold the ability to compare, analyse, and retain information . Once we switch that out for the mind of another, there would be no way to form a conclusion on how the "new mind" would compare to your original because all you have to compare with is the memory of what this "new mind" entails.
As humans, we're constantly finding ourselves in situations where we look at something in a different way than we have in the past, or we remember something from a different perspective than we initially saw it through. Our moods about certain people change, even our likes and interests, or motivations in life. What if all of this was a flaw of switching minds with one another to a certain extent, but as a human race we're unable to fathom the idea. What if mental illness, lets say depression, were to only exist in certain original minds. As one is "cured", said mindset would be transferred from one person to another, leaving an opening for a more positive one to move into its place. What if as people pass, their minds are not put to rest, but rather sent back to the cycle of transferring thought processes.

- Something From Nothing .

To Transform: to change in form, appearance, or structure; metamorphose.
In the childrens story, "Something from Nothing", the mother is strongly pessimistic, seeing no use for the object pressented, and no willingness to look into it further. On the other hand, Grandpa is geatly optimistic, seeing greatness in the superficially useless. Grandpa is able to take what was once great, well used and now destroyed from societies perspective, and transform it into something new and possibly greater than it initially was. Its in this that Grandpa relates to a director. A good dirctor posseses the ability to transform a play, a story, or even a moment from something possibly overused and destroyed in the eyes of many into something new that can be seen as whole new phenomenon in the eyes of many. The overall transformation from the jacket through to the button is reflective of a stimulus. To start somewhere, and to continue to change it, and transform it into something more percise is much like use of a stimulus.  Phoebe Gilman, the author of the story "Something from Nothing", initially got the idea of the story from an old jewish folksong about a tailor who had transformed things of his own. She took the folksong, and transformed the story from one man recreating his old things to a story that channeled doubt, hope, and a little bit of magic. In this sense, Phoebe Gilman, as a writer, still reflects the perspective of a director.

- The Falling Man .

Since the ten year anniversary of 9/11, this photo, "the falling man", has stuck in my head day in and day out. Today is exactly a month after the anniversary and its about time i figure it out. There are so many pictures from that day of people who are now considered the "jumpers of 9/11", the people who had appeared to choose their own destiny. But as people fell, they were frantic, filled with panic, and all together unsettled. What compelled me about the falling man was the ease and grace that he had chosen to fall with, even though id almost rather say "fly". His body splits between the north and south tower, creating such symmetry between his body line and the two separate towers.Completely centered, this unknown man falls, head first, ultimately to his death. When we discussed it in social class with Mr. Gillespie, the majority of the class were utmost disgusted with the picture, saying it was distasteful and horrifying. I, on the other hand, see it completely different. I see this picture as beautiful. I see this man as more of an untold hero than someone that we should cry for. He's a role model for all i aspire to be. In saying this, I'm not saying i dream of suicide, I'm rather saying i wish to posses the contentment that he does. This picture isn't a sign of "giving up", id say its rather a sign of the complete opposite: "taking charge". When he chose to jump, he wanted to regain the control over how he will die rather than leaving that in the hands of men who took thousands of lives in the name of terrorism that same day.
I like to think of what would be running through his head as he fell. I feel like though he didn't have a long time to fall , his thoughts weren't raced, rather slow and peaceful. I like to think that i would be the same, that i would want the ultimate control over how my life would end. As i fell, id love to fall in love with NY all over again, seeing the city i loved from a different perspective; one id never seen before. Id listen to my heartbeat , and breathe in synchronicity. Id smell the burning towers and allow myself to become familiar with it, regardless of how much time reality allowed. id feel the air, warm and strong, over every surface of my body. This man lived that moment, that small fragment in time that can never be recreated in the same way, and through one photo of his outer composure, he has affected millions of people worldwide, who are captivated by this picture . If only it were possible to put his thoughts into words .
McCarthy today spoke about how "nothing is something and something is one." Once we die, we are no longer the individual, we are ultimately one as the human race. This picture fascinates me because of the anonymity of this man. He has no background story, no possessions, nothing that ultimately takes him aside from the greater "one" of the human race. In this, vulnerability is reached. A relatability that is the ultimate within theatre. The "falling man" himself is a character that everyone can relate to in one way or another. His body language allows for such a moving picture that is compelling to everyone around them. They want to know more, and they immediately are brought to the place of reflexion where they put themselves in the same situation, hoping to understand how one day they may react to the challenges thrown at us .
Imagine a silent montage of his most valued and stressed upon things in his life. Small scenes of almost insignificance, the things that led him to that point, the things that allowed him to come to terms with accepting his death. It'd be beautiful, powerful, and simple as anything, diving head first into one of the most relatable aspect of humanity, the willingness to accept death.
I don't think i could put into words what he was thinking at the time, because id rather see it as silent. As using his senses to take in his final moments on earth, and being at peace with his inevitable end. I think the rarity of this moment in time is what leaves such an impact on the world as an audience to the work of Richard Drew, a photographer who came to witness one of the most beautiful and most tragic events of Americas history.

Sound: Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

- Butterfly Wings

Butterfly wings are the most interesting of artwork. Because patterns of the wings continue to microscopic extents, a butterflies wings the the epitome of all symmetrically (word?). As a whole, one side reflects the other as one piece of art. The interesting thing about a butterflies wing is that you can take any section, at any angle or perspective, and it will still be beautiful and evoke the same emotions as the overall. Each butterfly has specific colors and angles of patterns which is why it allows the same reaction and evocation of emotion to be carried through as each different section is examined. The same shades of blue, and the same curved lines and sharp corners are carried throughout each bit. As you go through smaller and smaller pieces/portions of a butterflies wing, you'll notice that the intricacy is carried through all the way to a microscopic level.

Yet I never mentioned that the butterflies wing as a whole is always beautiful. Its always intricate, symmetrical, and artistic, though not all butterflies are considered "pretty". Some can be dark, with odd patterns, and embody scary atmospheres (word?). I wouldn't necessarily say that the dark and frightening is the worst thing either tho. So much artistry can be evoked through the dark shapes and colors, because without the dark shades the concept of contrast would be non-existent.

In theatre, this effect can be examined throughout the course of any play. As a whole, a play will aim to evoke a certain emotion, and a director will use certain techniques to ensure this. This can be directly related to the colors and shapes in a butterflies wing. As you continue to break down the play from act to act and from scene to scene, the same ideas and overall "objectives" are carried throughout. You can continue to break down the play down to individual characters who will still carry out the same theme as the whole play itself.

The symmetrically  of the wing concept is portrayed in the picture in the directors mind. The initial picture is like the directors vision. The symmetrically is shown through the final product on stage againt the directors vision.

Beautiful or not, plays and butterflies wings both embody the same characteristic of having the ability to be broken down with the same themes and emotion evocation carried throughout.

- Bug Mythology

Symbolism & Mythology (Involvement) :
- dumg beetle
- butterfly
- moth
- crickets
- ladybug
- "lovebug" (volkswagon)
- ants

brief with background

- Steve Jobs .

" Your time is limited , so dont waste it living someone elses life. Stay hungry . Stay foolish  "

- Insecticide .

I feel like i should create a whole other blog to write out all of my nervous breakdowns regarding this play. There are positive and negative aspects to that of course . First off , I'm spending so much time worrying about not being able to go up for it and letting myself down and trying to analyse my recovery ahead of time when truthfully i wont really know until it happens , therefore the worrying is redundant.  Its stuck in my head 24/7 about how bad i want this and how i may have to watch it go on without me and it freaks me out. The associated anxiety is killer . (Hence the insecticide pun, cause I'm sewww punny) But secondly, I'm spending all my "worry capacity" worrying about this play rather than worrying about my future and the success of the surgery, which is probably one of the best things i could have in my life right now. Im pretty sure some anxiety is going to be there regardless, so i guess focusing it on something that isnt going to push me over the edge is probably something thats pretty worth the worrying.
I talked to McCarthy today about my anxiety due to Sahara. I don't know if its just nerves or what it actually is, but I'm scared she isn't as committed and doesn't actually want this. Which is so painful to see because i may end up sitting in the audience wanting it more than anything else in the world, and the person who actually has it doesn't appreciate it. McCarthy says Sahara is sick which is why she seems like she doesn't want it, but it was soo nice to be reassured that McCarthy wont let it happen that way and that she'll do something about it if worst comes to worst and she isn't appreciative. I'm so nervous that i'll seem as if I'm a burden to the rest of the class and McCarthy, because i feel as if i'll be really hesitant throughout the process, which is scary because i don't want to necessarily be viewed as such. I think that having McCarthy stick as a constant throughout the whole thing will help within itself because i feel as if i don't have as much explaining to do for myself. I don't think explaining is really the right word, but I'm weird and stubborn and difficult, and i feel like at times McCarthy knows me better than i know myself at times. I think having that constant to smack me back on track is exactly what will keep me sane during the whole "waiting game".
Ive done soo much thinking about if i should even be involved in this play in the first place, but i don't know where to run now that i've made up my mind and I'm still not at peace. I don't think i'll ever fully be at peace because i'm not expecting my mind to settle until after the surgery, but i was expecting more than this. I dont want to present this in my mind as more of a challenge than it already is, but im scared i've already started and dont know how to change it before it sets in stone. I think i'd be crazy to back out now , especially because i do want it soo bad , and as McCarthy never fails to let me forget, Im not allowed to be (as well as shouldnt be) sitting at home in my basement all day catastrophising over this surgery. There is 56 days from today until my surgery, and 58 days until the first night of the play. As long as McCarthy and the Basement Dwellers have my back, i can soo do this.
I mean, i can get through this? I think the first step to finding that comfort is seeing the committment from Sahara and getting to know her and trust her more cause i think thats a vital piece missing right now. I hope more than anything that I snap out of this soon, otherwise this bug anxiety thing is going to consume my life (oh the irony). 700 words later, I need to give it some time ...

- Leonardo Da Vinci

" Iron rusts from disuse , stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen , even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind . "

- A New Way to Learn .

" Changing Education Paradigms"

My dad just showed me this regarding the modern world and the neccessary change in education. I like the way that they explain the processes of thinking (starting at 7:30) and that more people should atleast attempt to comprehend this way of thinking. I love the way they explain the human mind within the arts. (5:43)

- The Girl Effect .

"The Girl Effect"

I first saw this video while at a World Bank speaking event at the world bank with Ms. Angelica Silvero, who is the head of the speakers bureau in Washington

- Creating the Installation

So far this installation project has been a little bit difficult regarding adapting in the same direction as the rest of the group. We've agreed thus far on the senses we want portrayed, on our sounds, feelings, tastes, ect., and how we're going to portray them, but it was really difficult to get the rest of the group to step back and consider other peoples ideas. Ive found myself taking more of an outside role in the actually creation of it rather than planning. There is alot of arguing and no action, so i've been doing alot of "scavenging" of props and such, leaving it up to the rest of the group on how to use it. I'm nervous to see how it turns out, but we're gonna turn it out by Tuesday for class? We've adapted off of Bali now onto a fictional woman's society, set in the forest as a place of purification.

- Responding to Acting Workshop .

Dan Libman's acting workshop was a great introduction to the concept of acting 'objectives'. Since i was chosen to be an example during the workshop, i think i had a bit of a different experience with the concept. It was interesting to have the comparison between being directed by Dan versus being directed by Ms. McCarthy. When working with Dan, theres alot more telling exactly what to do and how to do it, rather than allowing yourself to explore how your character would achieve its objective overall. In my perspective , there's benefits to both styles. I found it almost distracting having Dan's voice echoing as the scene progressed, and i found myself responding to his voice, rather than allowing myself to become engaged in the scene. His insight regarding the greater objective was interesting to hear. Reflecting on just about any aspect of life, the objective concept does apply. We switch how we plan to achieve it, though the overall goal stays the same. I think he could've gone into alot more detail about overall objectives vs. scene objectives ect. But the general overview of the concept was beneficial to always consider when taking on a new character. It was really interesting to notice that when reading a script, that the assumption of stage directions can often overpower what the scene is actually trying to portray. It will definitely allow me to consider a script for its raw value rather than assuming what is intended.

- Cinderella : The enchanted version .

The University of Calgary's Production of "Cindrella: The Enchanted Version" was well done but nothing id consider phenomenal. Some of the vocal talent in the production, such as the prince as well a the fairy godmother, was phenomenal. Their voices had such depth and dynamic to them that made them extremely pleasent to listen to. The lady cast as Cinderella was greatly talented vocally, but cast as a lead with many solo's and such, her voice was so high that it was almost hard to listen to unless put side-by-side with another voice in a lower register. Unlike RDS's production of Rent in early 2011, the U of C had enough vocal talent to put on a show with such a high degree of musical difficulty. Everyone down to the smallest voice in the chorus could hold their own if-need-be. The set was well thought through and adaptable for the many different settings in the production which couldve proved to be an obstacle. They stayed on the simple side of set design, using larger objects on the stage with a black curtain background rather than recreating a full picture. This i think was a better choice, allowing the audience to create their own perception of details of the set. The idea of magic, which is definitely prominent within the storyline of Cinderella, was done well and approached with a good attitude, though im sure there could have been better ways to achieve the illusion flawlessly. It did bother me and take away from the illusion when they went to bring out the carriage (made from the pumpkin) and the curtain was caught on the carriage and took alot away from the whole concept of "suspending disbelief". The costuming was phenomenally detailed and accurate in comparison to the movie's time, though the actual design of classic outfits, such as the princess dress for the ball, had been changed and reinvented for that stage which was nice and formed an unpredictable aspect of the production. The costuming design was one of the strongest aspects of this production. They had a live band just off to the side of the stage which was a nice addition, though at times i found the lights from the music stands extremely distracting during the portions of the play that were lit only dimly. Since at the times, the band was not playing, it would have been benificial to have the music stand lights switched off or even dimmed with the rest of the lights. Though the production was well-done, there were alot of aspects that took me back from that suspension of disbelief, so i found it difficult to find my way back into the story. I feel that as a closing night production, there was still more room for improvement, though it wouldnt be upsetting if that was the final turn out.

- Theatre Calgary's Tosca Cafe .

Seeing Theatre Calgary's Tosca Cafe prior to the start of the Insect play was rather beneficial. Much different than the usual Theatre Calgary productions, Tosca Cafe had no dialogue or plot. Recapping the events within the same cafe over a long period of time, the small stories within Tosca Cafe were told through action, dance, and a string orchestra. The use of repetition was interesting to see through action that kept reoccurring as each era told its own story.
Frank Capra claimed to be "not at home in silent films", as if sound of voice gave a depth to theatre that is missing in silent film. Tosca Cafe would be the counterargument to that perspective. The lack of speech throughout the play brought on a new dynamic that i found extremely effective in the sense that it brought on a different sort of connection to each actor and dancer because it eliminated the possibility of the story progressing as flat rather than told through emotion.
The use of the dancers was interesting as well because the storyline of the dancers ran parallel to the characters in the cafe as they arrived. For example , as the child arrived at the cafe and was given a paper crane, a ballerina from swan lake began to imitate the movement of the paper bird as the child played with it on stage. The use of the violin to tell the background of the man who was running from the police was an interesting approach as well. As the bartender opened the violin case that was left, light came from the case igniting a freeze screen on that section of the stage, creating a flashback through the dancers explaining the accidental murder of a girl he met at the cafe. The lady in the red dress, the ghost, was an interesting addition in the sense that it was the reoccurring character that offered a lot of explanation for the emotion of the owner. It was nice to come back to the lady in red to show how far he had come since her death. It kept reinforcing that he was the same man throughout the course of the play, though the scene around him grew. The dancers , who switched between telling parallel stories and acting as extras, were an amazing addition to the progression of time in the cafe.
It was interesting to also see a production that simply has no plot. Its easy to say that storyline and plot are one in the same, but once you remove one from the other, its fascinating to see it exist on its own. Tosca Cafe contained no central conflict, resolution, ect. (ie. plot) but rather had a storyline that progressed simply as time went on in the same setting. It was extremely easy to watch since i knew ahead of time not to expect a central conflict, so rather than trying to find a conflict, i was able to relax and enjoy watching the progression of life.
Costuming wasnt a giant part of the production though some pieces were key, such as the childs hat , and the red dress. Otherwise the costuming was effective in the sense of fitting within context. The only thing that i really noticed that couldve been better regarding costuming were the pastel colored dresses used in the dancing in the last era. I found that when used with the lighting (amber-ish?) , the colors of the dresses appeared too similar and almost too plain that they stood out in a negative way when seen side by side with the men and the actors.
The music in the production (a string orchestra) was used as if it were a silent film in the sense that it was constant and reflected the mood of the scene, and rather than the music being used as emphesis during high points of tension, they rather cut the music because by that point, the silence was the rarity used to contrast the switch in mood.

- The Insect Play .

I just found out that my surgery is now scheduled for the 28th of November. Which is controversial because the play goes up on the 30th and runs through until the 3rd of December . From that , i automatically counted myself out. I  thought id find some way to be involved in the play, but not be needed from hell night, onward . Once McCarthy told me she'd still like to cast me for part of it, i didn't know what to choose.
1) rehearse for two months, allow myself to get my hopes up, to find out mid-run that i wont be able to go up at all.
2) rehearse for two months, go up for how ever many nights I'm well enough to go up.
3) back out to avoid the emotional toll it'd take if i were to have to back out.
The way i saw it at first was automatically jump to number 3 to avoid the consequences of number 1. But once i talked to McCarthy, she saw it differently. There was so much more to consider than i initially had allowed myself to. Daniela had mentioned that half of the experience is "the process", and just to be a part of that is incredible. My mom wants me to be in it to allow myself to find a distraction while approaching the surgery date to avoid anxiety. Id be lying if i were to say that one of my fears is to work so hard for it , not be able to go up , and having my part not do well knowing that it would've been different had i been up there. My mind is all over the place because i don't want to let people down. I don't want to let myself down , because i know i will convince myself that i CAN do this, and when i cant, ill be even harder on myself than if i had backed out before the initial read-through. I was watching Private Practice tonight and Addison had said "Humans make plans, than God just laughs at us." Ive planned for almost a year now that the two things that will get me through the rest of high school is the possibility of this surgery, and being fully committed to theatre this year. I never once expected one to completely halt the progression of the other. So I'm going to do it , because the last thing i want to be doing is sitting in the audience on December 3rd , thinking "I'm well enough to be up there right now, and I've wasted another 2 months of possibility because of fear." So starting Monday, I'll put everything i have towards this play, even if i have to read this page over and over again , and still have to sit in the audience every night with a cast on my arm forcing myself to remember how much i learnt from the process.