- Life Objectives .

I think I’m the prime example of the great mediocrity, and it’s not something I’ve grown to be proud of. I live my life doing everything at an acceptable level, being decent at most things, and great at none. I live my life with an odd mindset that takes some risks, and fears the others. I think my anxiety gets in the way of my superobjective, whatever that may be, and helps keep me stuck within the great mediocrity. I fear the wrong things, and take the wrong risks, leaving me relatively in the same place I would’ve found myself in two years ago. I think part of the reason that I have such difficulty with choosing a superobjective is the idea of our entire life falling underneath it. My life, from the way I see it, has been split in half. Before I was injured, I was fearless. I approached everything head on and if I were still that same person, I’d say my superobjective would simply turn out as “to be”. I wanted to be great at everything I did. I was convinced I had the world at my fingertips and that I could be anything and everything I would’ve ever wanted. I was athletic; I wanted to be on top. I was academic; I wanted to be as smart as my mind allowed me to be. I was optimistic; I wanted to be happy. And at that point, I had the drive to get me there.  Once I fell, fear came in and took away that overall longing to be great. Everything I wanted to be, and every answer I searched for seemed to rub in my face how much I am NOT capable of, and how much I have to restrain myself from the things I love. So since I fell, I’ve lost touch with the person who metaphorically carried the umbrella labelled “to be”, and I feel as if the newer me has lost that umbrella all together. Is it possible to obtain more than one superobjective in your life? They say that once the superobjective has been achieved or completed, then that is where it all ends. It is possible to say that my life ended when I fell, and I started a new one? Or is that a portrayal of having violated my superobjective for over 3 years and as a result it’s led me to living a life of mediocrity. I could say my superobjective is now “to survive” but that would simply be saying that I’ve chosen to lead my life at the mediocre level just from getting by on a day to day basis. Some days I’m more than that though. Some days I wake up and I can still feel the world at my fingertips, but that doesn’t last long. I could say that I’ve turned my direction in life to “search”, but I feel that it’s unjustifiable in relation to most days. Could it be “to find”? I’m always looking for answers, for stories, and especially for cures; to find approval, to find life in the smallest things, and to find hope in other people. The idea of being virtually two separate people still scares the shit out of me, and within that, I don’t know if I’ll ever find the person who initially wanted “to be” everything, but is it possible to have more than one life objective? Is it possible to carry two separate umbrellas in your life? The similarities between me now and Morgan Louise 4 years ago are ultimately non-existent. Is it possible to come back from that, and still be great?