- The Diary of a Fucked Up Dreamer .

I worked in a human torture plant for manual labour. I started my days horrified of witnessing the deliberate degradation of humanity, but as my time working there progressed, I had become conditioned to it. I showed up every morning, stocked the shelves, swapped color tags on cages, did as I was supposed to and left without it fazing me. We were always taught that the “subjects” were like objects and to treat them as such or our jobs would be terminated.  I wasn’t the victim, not yet.

The facility worked in three ways: mental torture, physical torture, and behavioral testing. They used the torture to knock these people down to a level where they are barely people at all. Each patient was given a number and alongside of that was assigned a schedule. They had “appointments” where they were either subjected to extreme physical labour, or were expected to sit across the table from an “elite” and tolerate the verbal abuse that would come their way.

 Between these appointments they were forced to remain still and silent in their cages that were marked with a color of their “progress”. Green: the beginners. Some people would consider these as the patients that remained at the highest intellectual level; those who had not yet been fully subjected to the stripping of their identity and what they know of their connection to humanity. I see the greens as the least intellectual overall. They know nothing until they see and survive what will have come. Next came blue: the middle man, the tortured. If the physical strain had not overcome them by this point, the mental distress had. These were the sufferers, and they considered themselves exactly that. It was at this point that the subjects would often choose their own end. And lastly, the Reds. Not many people make it that far. The reds are the survivors, and in my opinion, the most intelligent of all. If you last 3 days as a red, you are set free and to never speak of your experiences again; if you have the mental capacity to remember them, that is. As people left the facility, either alive as a red or having succumbed to death as any color, another patient was brought in.

                Six hundred and seventy two. I never had the inclination to associate myself with the patients aside from any way my job entailed until I was told to change a cage from a green tag to blue. Changing tags had become an everyday occurrence. I had become desensitized to seeing the patients because they were empty by the time they reached their first “progression”; but not cage 672. By this point in my day, I was so frustrated and rushed because so much work had to be done to prepare for the arrival of sixteen new patients.

                I had become ignorant to the thought of new arrivals because I was aware of the miniscule number of patients that actually make it to the red level, let alone survive it. But I knew the thought of sixteen people having died in one day because I chose not to speak up would eat me alive so I learnt to suppress it. All I was concerned for was to get my work done for the day and head home.

When I went to change the tag, it was jammed between bars so I had to kneel down to get the green one off. It was then that I made the mistake of looking into the cage. There was this creature, naked, brittle, and bruised with “672” tattooed down his right forearm sitting there staring right back at me. He was different than the others in a way almost unexplainable. Those eyes. He wasn’t empty. His eyes had this entrancing depth to them that, for that split second, made it impossible to be indifferent to the strain. The green tag came off and the blue tag went on, and for the first time I had realized that from switching a simple color, I had potentially just led them to their death. I was soon pushed aside to watch 672 get dragged off to his “6:00 appointment”.

When we were first trained to work in the facility, we are taught how to read schedules, how to change tags, how to properly stock the shelves. We knew these “subjects” were tortured, but we were never permitted to see how they did it. I followed 672 and them to the chamber where I pretended to search the computer system while I watched the reflection in the screen. I heard him cry out while they piled burning stones on his bare back until he collapsed. The piercing sound of his screams rang out in my head for days. I had to see him again.

When speaking was permitted, I began coming to see 672 as an anonymous visitor so that my job wouldn’t be compromised. I needed to help him, but I couldn’t afford to be unemployed. I found myself hacking into the computer system to get myself a copy of his schedule to protect both him and myself. I was his only link back to humanity, and I planned to maintain it. So I gave him a name; Jacob.

As the visits became more frequent, his eyes found more depth. He was bright and his laugh was infectious. I knew that it was up to me to get him out alive. Days progressed and I watched his body deteriorate as his faith got stronger. His ability to speak had diminished from damage to his brain and his body hurt so badly that tears would begin to fall if I touched his hands. He knew who I was and though he was speechless, never lost the ability to understand. To me, patient 672, blue status had become Jacob, a victim who had finally progressed to red.

The red was the most difficult level of all. At this stage the behavioral testing was put into place to gauge what was mentally left of them. Each day they were given a bag of items, and released into a harsh environment and expected to find out how to use these things to survive. Some of these items held so much danger that it freely gave the option of suicide to each patient.

The first step to red is to be released into the forest and to survive until nightfall, so that morning I was assigned to bring the bag of items to Jacob. This was the first time since I changed his tag that I was ordered by an “elite” to see him. I knew the items within the bag and I knew how they must be used in order to survive. So before I gave him the bag, I took out the items that posed a threat and were unneeded within the context of the task. This was the first day I had helped him aside from being his friend. I handed him the bag and prayed to God that he would live until I saw them bring him in at 5pm that night. As I hid behind the opposed row of cages, I saw them throw him into his. One of the guards leaned over to me shaking his head. Since he started working here, not a single red had ever returned from their first day out. 

The second day of red status is based strictly upon nutrition. I placed four bottles and a watch on the counter and explained to him what was about to happen. “You have to take these and keep them with you. The one with the red cap is poison. Do not drink it but keep it with you. They will bring you to the desert where they will leave you for 35 hours.” I showed him on the watch what that meant and I continued to explain. “At 3 o’clock you must drink the smallest bottle. When the sky turns black, drink the biggest one. Stay in the same place until they come back for you, or you will run out of energy. When you see them coming back to take you, quickly drink the last bottle and hold the poison in your hand.” I knew that if they were to come back and the patient was not holding the poison unopened, they wouldn’t take him back. If he made it back and survived the following night without being fed or caving to the temptation of drinking the last bottle, they would let him go.

As I handed him off the items, I smiled at him and heard them come up behind me to take him. I knew that I may never have a job there again but more importantly, I may have never seen Jacob again. They stood there with their blank stares expecting me to present his case. My voice shook, “Patient 672: behavioral testing, red status. Day two: 35 hour nutrition challenge.” They reached in and grabbed him by the forearm as he cried out in pain. I knew he was capable of the day in the forest, but after that he had become so weak, I wasn’t sure if he’d make it.

He was expected to return at 6:00pm the following day. By the time I got to work, everyone was talking about him: “Patient 672 is remarkable.”, “672 comes across as suspicious to me.” I felt like I was back in high school as the gossip rang down the hallways. “Did you hear about that one subject who’s made it to red? Someone’s gotta be behind that.”

I was a labourer. I had no friends within the facility and no family waiting back home, so I did my work silently and left when I was finished. We were always taught that the “subjects” were like objects, and I treated them as such until I met patient 672. I wasn’t the victim, not yet.

It was 5:45pm when I nervously began stocking shelves to look busy. The last thing I needed was for people to see me nervously biting my nails watching the time in hopes of Jacob surviving. So I did as I knew best and found a way to channel my anxiety. I folded towels, one at a time, and stacked them, one on top of another. I felt as if someone was breathing down the back of my neck, but every time I turned, I was alone. So counting he minutes, I folded towels, one at a time, and stacked them, one on top of another.

Well, I was alone until I wasn’t.  They came up behind me and stood on either side of me. “Patient 856: mental strain, green status. Day one: foreshadowing at 6:00pm.” Grabbing my arms, they dragged me backwards and I was unable to resist. My mind began to race a million miles a second going over the past 2 months I had spent helping Jacob. I'm not a patient, I work here. Had they figured it out?  They stripped off my clothes, and shaved my head as I cried. Jacob, did Jacob make it back? Would they release him if he did? They tattooed “856” down my right forearm, just as I had to hundreds of other patients. Dragging me into the chamber, I was strapped me down to cold, metal chair that stung as my bare skin pressed up against it. When I looked up, there was this creature, naked, brittle, and bruised with “672” tattooed down his right forearm. He was pinned to the ground staring right back at me. Those eyes. He was alive, but not for long.

I sat there and watched them beat him until he stopped struggling. I spent 2 days strapped to that chair forced to look at his body, so frail, as it lay cold and motionless on the floor. They came back to get me and kicked the soulless body out of the way. “Did you hear about that one subject who’s made it to red? Yeah, they found out some naïve shelve stocker thought she’d get away with helping him. Turns out neither of them will get out alive.”

I had become ignorant to the thought of new arrivals because I was unaware of the chance I could become one, let alone survive it. But I knew the thought of sixteen people having died in one day because I chose not to speak up would eat me alive so I learnt to suppress it. All I had to do was speak out once, before I became the victim who was unable to speak at all.


Accompanying song: "Turn and Turn Again" by All Thieves 

- Theatre 30 final

1.       Konstantin Stanislavski

a.       Method acting: Stanislavski taught his actors to “be” rather than to “act”. For example, if character is experiencing a loss, the actor was to pull from himself the emotions that he himself would have felt in the past, for example the death of a family member, and channel it through his character to evoke the same emotion.

b.      The circle: when actors were nervous on stage, he taught them to focus on a small circle, usually consisting of one prop and one other character. Once the actor became comfortable with the small section on the stage, he could expand to other characters and props, always being able to resort back to the initial two items within the small circle if the nerves were to return.

c.       The magic “if”: Rather than simply having his actors learn their lines and memorize the expected emotions and reactions expected to go with them, Stanislavski used the magic “if” to expand the actors understanding of their characters. He would take the characters out of their scenes and allow the actors to react as their characters in different situations through using “if”. For example, how would your character respond if it was pushed while walking down the street? It allowed them to find the differences between their characters and themselves.

2.       A pre-sketch is what happens immediately before a scene begins or a character enters the stage. Its creating the moment right before the audience sees the character, often explaining where they are coming from and why they’ve come this way. This helps the actors understanding of their characters reasoning for being in the scene.

3.       The role of a director is to portray their vision onto the stage through the different aspects of theatre. They act as a “coach” to the actors, leading them in the direction they want. They tie together all aspects of the stage under one vision, ultimately having final say over all decisions, having the success or failure of the final production falling over them.

4.       The director’s concept refers to objectives. Symbolized by the umbrella, the main overall objective is the one word, the director’s concept, for the full play. Every decision made must fall under that concept. If it doesn’t, no matter how great the idea, the director must not violate the concept. Each scene must have an objective that appropriately falls under the main objective and each aspect within that must fall under it.

5.       Red thread, superobjective, scene objective

a.       Red Thread: the red thread is the constant character that exists throughout the scenes that ties it all together.

b.      The superobjective: relative to the directors’ concept, is the clear and concise concept developed for the play. Everything relative to the production must be directly related to this concept.

c.       Scene Objective: Relative to the super objective, the scene objective is the overall idea that is wished to be achieved throughout the scene. Every event throughout the course of that scene must be directly related to the objective. This objective must fall within the general concept for the entire play, the superobjective.

6.       A creator would use a stimulus as the starting point to get ideas flowing. A stimulus could be anything like an object, a sound, a feeling, a photo, that allows the creator to begin a chain of ideas ultimately leading to the creation of something bigger. The stimulus doesn’t have to be related to the final product in the slightest.

7.        First kiss, ghost sighting

a.       A first kiss: down right, best stage placement to show intimate and tender moments. From this position, you are most relatable to the audience.

b.      Ghost sighting: up left, best stage placement to show unfamiliarity and alien situations. From this position, the audience will be most uncomfortable and frightened.

- French Play

On the 14th, Richard, Liam, and I discussed possibilities for the French Play as the independent project. As it stands, Daniela, Richard, and Liam will be writing and directing and I will be drama turging for it. A large portion of the ideas discussed were related to the idea of you meeting your "self" throughout 3 parts of your life: at birth, at a significant part of your life, and at death. We discussed using “god in me” vs. “me in god”, and what significance that may hold, and if that had any connectyion to our conscience. Regardless of whether or not religion would be used, we leaned towards the idea of he "self" that would be met could be to some degree,  all knowing, such as the kids in the movie "Baby Genus'" are before they cross over. McCarthy recommended possibly looking into 18th century parlor theatre as a style to do the play in.

- Insect , opening night .

Overall:
Not our best, but not a total train wreck. I personally wasn't satisfied with it, but i'm glad that it was a small house and opening night so that we could get our jitters out of the way. We had great energy starting during prologue and the start of one. But it began to fade by two. We were apparently yelling, making it unclear what we were saying. I don't know why there was so much yelling because we did a full vocal warm up focusing on projecting rather than yelling. I think the singing went alright, but for the most part, act 1 and prologue were strongest. Aside from cue errors, epilogue wasn't bad at all. Daniela was hilarious during 3 as the philanthropist and i think she had a great night. Once Daria and Haley slowed down during 3 as well it went well. Act two went decently, though it has been much better in the past. Iris and Felix had a much stronger night than most rehearsals which is a good thing. I think Iris finding herself really helped the first act. The set changes were a little bit rough, a bunch of props were not cleared which acted as a distraction during epilogue.

Personally:
The dance went well technically, but my personal energy i think was lacking. It was difficult to be on stage portrayed as such a sexual character for me to make eye contact with anyone in the audience, so i found myself skipping around my focal points ultimately finding comfort in looking at the floor. This took away from my energy, though it was apparently not noticeable. As Chrys, my personal performance was acceptable, though it wasn't my best for sure. I found my part to be chunky, often delayed. The fact that the box for us to sit on wasn't placed and i was unable to get us clipped before lights went up made for an extremely interesting challenge, especially figuring it hadn't happened in rehearsals yet. My relationship with Sahara was strong, which helped greatly in the portrayal of my character. I feel that if we had never formed that bond and trust between us over the second month of rehearsals, we probably wouldn't have recovered from it. It was almost fun finding a way to make up for the misplaced props for both of us without getting noticed. I think that since i missed my cue to start singing at the top of act 2, it made it difficult to find my rhythm. For the first time going start to finish in the morphsuit i think it went very well. I had the nerves but the costume change went well, the "being" vs. "acting" was strong in two as well for both Sahara and I. Our performance reflected the overall very clearly strictly from starting strong and fading from there, but epilogue went well for the most part with the exception of the sloppy set change and standing off centre by accident.

Next Time:
For tonight, i need to establish in advance eye contact for the dance, something to look at during each point. During some points during the dance its extremely fitting to make eye contact with the tramp, so I'll try that for sure. I also need to have a black cape/sweater/covering of some sort to get past the scrim during prologue and act one, so that i won't be seen again. Missing the cue yesterday as a thorough reality check to make sure i don't forget it again, so hopefully i wont be as flustered come the cue to sing. Knowing the house will be full, if not, close to it, will definitely help with our energy, so ill be looking forward to that. We need to make sure that we have centre stage marked with glow-tape to help with the positioning up centre during epilogue.